Comic Fantasy II

Long time no write amigos. Sorry to keep you waiting but has it occurred to you that this world is full of slave drivers who just looovvveeee using that whip of theirs. Also nothing to do with what I have to write but have you ever come across friends, who claim to be friends such great friends, but it turns out that even thought they are supposedly great friends its through your roommate that you find out that they are back in town. (Confusing? Yes! But the person this is for knows I’m talking to him.)Anyway now that I have that out of my system let’s get back. So I have thought about this and as far as the rest is concerned this is the advice I have to give/points I have to make:
1) If you are a witch and think that you rather wear black because it makes you look thinner. Don’t do it. U may be a good little witch but notice how it is so stereotypical that a baddie witch always wears black and lands up melting/burning at the stake.
2) I have come to the conclusion that most of these witches are bisexual. The reason being with the amount of moles and boils not to mention the weird facial hair and body structure I don’t think its too often they get any. And say they are lucky enough to make a magic potion which works on only the second full moon of the year and say by chance a girl walks by instead of a man; you think they are really going to waste the nookie time that they get? I don’t think so!!!
3) I know you like baking children in huge black ovens but honestly I think a microwave would work better. You could get it specially made and you can be sure that once they are inside they wont be able to get out and third no one can push you into a fire. I say tech up my witchy friends.
4) What is with those long pointy noses??? What do u do anyway? File it everyday? Ever heard of plastic surgery?
5) And honestly girls… I know water makes you melt. But that’s jus not a good enough excuse to be so stinky. I say, go check the amazing mist sprays by Victoria’s secrets. Ah! Victora. You have to love her.
6) Not like you wizard have it any better now do you? Those long gowns, I mean. When you start off and god forbid you don’t have those masculine feature which women adore …I can imagine the anxiety ... Chasing that pretty peasant girl all over town only to find out that she thinks you would be her competition at the upcoming beauty contest at the regular spring fair.
7) And say when you are casting one of those pretty powerful spells, things go wrong and you land up with one of those ancient looking white beards… there goes your youth and all of this at the age of 25?
8) When we talk about fairies (I do believe in fairies. I do …I do!) I say there is a huge case of prejudice. What I mean is that the ‘girl’ fairies got it easy. They love being fairies right but what about the ‘boy’ fairies. I mean do they really like being called fairies? Considering the use of that term in today’s age where ‘fairies’ are not exactly magical creature one would think they’d take that remark seriously. Do they have a brawl if someone says ‘ooooh!! “Look at the wings on that fairy”!?
9) Did it ever occur to you that these fairies might jus be nymphomaniacs? I mean what’s with the teeny weenie outfits? Hell these guys have love spell at the tip of their wands. It can’t be all that difficult right? They are pretty good looking after all, so half the deal is done with before it begins.
10) If you are a troll… you have my sympathies! I think they are the most misunderstood of the entire bunch. People give them a bad name just because they live under bridges and collect toll and probably eat a few people here and there. But my question is whose fault is that anyway? It’s us people, it’s us!!! Let me explain
o They have no job opportunity what so ever just because they are supposed to be clumsy. Give them a break ok. It’s not their fault that they have imbalanced bodies, ugly faces and gross feet odour. They were made like that so that’s that .I think the government should work on making the work places more troll friendly. We could start off with comfortable chair, for one.
o No work. No income how are they supposed to feed the family? Ugly wife, children and all!
o To add to it they are banished from society (who makes these societal rules anyway?)
o So if you look at it what they are doing is right actually. They go deep into the forest, work hard on making bridges, get the family to live under it and very nicely ask the people who take advantage of the bridge a.k.a roof of their house to pay them a passing fee. I mean what’s wrong with that? We pay toll at tollbooths so what wrong with a troll asking for toll?
11) If there are any elves, imps brownies and the like out there here is the place for you to voice your opinion. I don’t think us human have come far enough up the intellectual ladder to quite understand what exactly make you different... would love the inputs. Take a stand guy’s… take a stand!
12) How could I forget the giants? Once again a part of the misunderstood bunch with a story not quite different from that of the trolls (except the trolls at least try and make some money). But could you think of a better bunch of people who are more in touch with nature. They are the ‘naturally dependant’ bunch of nature. No artificial flavouring there. (No offences to the fairies but you do have magic on your side and it is possible for you to turn pumpkin into a carriage or a television set). Beside I think these guys should go down in history as the people who gave us the saying “all brawn, no brains.” the world is a better, divided place because of them. Now we have the brawny’s and the brainy’s.
Tsk tsk… to think of the wretched lives these people live just because we haven’t given them a chance to speak…well now is their time… speak up for we are listening! I did want to add a few inputs on aliens but I believe I could save it for another time… Beside my arse just went numb. Ciao for now… Will be back with more. Keep your views coming.

comic fantasy part I

So last night I was reading this book on comic fantasy and I have decided to jot down what I have noticed in parts. Today we cover princesses, princes and evil guys.
1) if you are a princess and feel like taking a stroll in the forest near a dragons lair make sure you wear colourful clothes(dragons tend to think that women in outfits that are not colourful = FOOD!)
2) Not all fairytale princesses are beautiful just as all knights in shining armor are not brave (besides anyone who has a shining armor could never have been in a fight his entire life.)
3) If a prince is interested more in his looks than the flirty princess chances are he’s gay (besides isn’t it a little weird that all theses stories are so hell bent on proving the prince to be oh so masculine. I believe they have something to hide.)
4) If one of your eyes are green and the other one is red chances are your mom and a dragon had a little thing going on at the side (perhaps she was a princess who’s kingdom fell apart after she was taken away by a dragon while strolling in the forest in plain clothes and eventually fell in love with the dragon who was so loooonnneeelllly! sigh!)
5) If you are the evil guy make sure you don’t :
a) make a really long statement before you kill the hero
b) ask the hero what his last wish is
c) think the hero’s girlfriend has a thing for you because she is so sweet to you all of a sudden(chances are she has a dagger in one hand behind her back just in case the poison in your wine doesn’t work)
d) think you are indestructible (always good to have a backup plan)
e) only depend on sorcery ( remember that magicians have their bad days too)
f) Ignore information about every secret passage way in your castle. (Its really pitiful when the hero sneaks up behind your throne just because you didn’t know that there was a door behind you chair that led to the main road.)
g) Just have the colour black in your wardrobe (it too clichéd .don’t punish your self just because you are evil.. give colours a chance.)
6) If you turn out to have breast and are dressed in a leather outfit with a weapon of
some sort hanging at your side chances are that you are the hero of the story.
(This means you have a lot of work to do.)
7) If the princess is staggeringly beautiful and wants to get married in the afternoon even though she just met you that morning (and this is if the king seems too keen on the decision) I suggest you propose a live in relationship for at least a month. ( something tells me that she might be one of those ‘people’ who turn into trolls in the nights or a werewolf on every full moon.. if you are lucky she just turn out to be a nymphomaniac of some sort. good for you then ) .
Well with that I end part one .tomorrow we tackle witches and the likes… tune in then!! Ciao for now. Would love the feed back if I have forgotten to add something

money swindeling bastards

Most people say you ought to start of things on a happy note.. well i say screw you!if you have ever come across those inhuman,ever smiling b*****ds who look you in the eye and say "we are here to help you. trust us!just give us your money!" you will know exactly where i am coming from.

Do they breed these people in a underground secret bunker where they take oaths to make sure they make other peoples lives miserable.
Even more,what do think are the criterias to join this lot?
i am sure it goes something like this:
1) they have to prove themselves to be absolute conniving b*****ds
-steal an old womans kitty while you are having tea with her(for gods sake , she offered you sandwiches)
- tell the plain woman that her breast are too small, make her get transplants and then use her to stay afloat while your cruise ship sinks behind you(the cruise that she paid for ofcourse)

2) have to have the perfect set of teeth(or the worse set ever) anything to get your mind of what they are saying .

3)they have to have a twitch or a huge mole or are radiantly hansome/beautifully.( its the plain normal ones we ought to trust)

4) their records say they are compulsive liars.

5)they end every sentence with "trust me"
-"its going to be alright , trust me!"
-"of course you can fly, trust me!"
-"humans have 9 lives too, trust me!"
-"sharks are vegetarians, trust me!"

6)they have the crappiest sense of humour (somehow everything is funny, including your money going down the drain.)

7)everyone you mention is, funnily, a rather close friend of theirs.
- "oh the prez.. sure we are 'langotiya yaars."
- "mr khilip potler, the author, best buds we are."
- "God almighty u say! sure i know him, we play golf every sunday."

sigh i give up .... so these are the things that come to my mind when i think about these money swindeling b*****ds who come in with their fancy clothes and jazzy smile, take away all you have and leave you with nothing

what i have noticed here ofcourse is a pattern in the above mentioned traits. do feel free to add in more...."burn u scums, buuuuuurrrnnnnnnn!"